Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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