How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
