yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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