I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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