that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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