Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
