What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
