Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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