your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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