I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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