this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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