i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
