At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
