I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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