I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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