i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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