hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
