i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
