just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
