Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
