Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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