Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
