Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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