WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
