so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
