recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
