so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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