I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
