Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
