he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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