His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
