I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
