I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
