i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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