I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
