I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
