3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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