She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
