She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
