did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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