just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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