I heard we made out
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
