Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's just like the Real World with babies
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
