It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
