i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Boobs speak an international language.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
