hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
sex in a hospital.. check
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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