we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
