my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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