You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
