Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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