Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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