she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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