Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
