you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
