so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
