Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize