The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
