rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
