Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
