We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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