im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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