At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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