I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
