Please, let me fuck your mom
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
