life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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