After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
