i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
