Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All the doctor said was why
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize