Pregnant stripper...not hot.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Randomize
