About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
