This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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