drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
