My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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