I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
