I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
