dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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