you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
