Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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