i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
