I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
