It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
