I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
