I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
