We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
