I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
