Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
