Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
