I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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