I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize