She is in my trunk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
