how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
