Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
