Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
