I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
