Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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