big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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