I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
