I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
