too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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