Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
