Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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